My personal athletic journey is probably like many others. I was an athlete my entire life, and always on a team, from 12U Softball through Division I. After college, I entered the workforce as a business professional, and I was able to leverage the teamwork and leadership skills I had built my entire athletic career to find immediate success. I was earning money, and free to make choices in how I spent my time. I had a new sense of freedom I hadn’t previously experienced. Freedom from practices, games, team meetings. Freedom to party and socialize. Soon, with this newfound ability to “choose,” both work and partying consumed my life.
Fast-forward a few years. I had found some joy in social sports, but the majority of my fulfillment had come from career success and continued partying. My fitness had diminished, and I was left with low energy, high anxiety, and no healthy routines or outlets for stress. I had tried apps, diets, workout plans, but nothing stuck, and finding motivation was difficult. Finally, I made a commitment to myself that I wanted to feel good physically on my wedding day, which was only a few months away. I joined a fitness club, spoke to an RD, and began putting in the work. I loved the strength-based workout classes, and felt like I was part of a team again. My relationship with food began improving, as I evolved my mindset to “food is fuel.” I developed a routine, had an outlet for stress, and began to regain confidence and appreciation for my body.
After my wedding, I wanted to maintain momentum, but wasn’t sure how. I needed to figure out a goal. I had signed up for my first triathlon on a whim, thinking a “Sprint” sounded easy enough, and my fitness had much improved. Despite wildly underestimating the difficulty and coming near last-place, I was hooked. I learned how to maintain my own bike, invested in a pool membership, and joined a local running group. I found a hobby and an outlet to invest time in that mentally and physically benefited me.
Running was a hurdle for me. My mind knew my body was capable of going faster, but years of being lax with my fitness had rendered my running legs weak. During one particular group workout, I remember standing on top of the hill, holding back tears as I watched the other runners blow by me while I struggled up every set. I knew I was capable of more, and needed to commit myself. I signed up for a Half Marathon. I had a goal. I hired a coach. And I found IRaceLikeAGirl.
I didn’t miss a single workout through my first month of training. I was hooked on how rapidly I saw results. I was a stronger runner than I’d been in years. I would get a full night’s rest, and feel more capable to push my workouts in the morning. I felt encouraged to curb my partying and see immediate benefit. I began adding extra workouts on top of my training, and soon suffered the consequences. An Achilles injury left me unable to run. My Coach helped me change course, and kept up my fitness through biking and swimming. As my cycling and swimming showed the same rapid improvement my run had, I decided a Half Marathon wasn’t a big enough goal. I told my Coach if I’m training for a 13.1, let’s make it a 70.3. And we did.
Then, shutdowns. The gym closed. No more pool. Races were canceled. I focused my energy on my Half Ironman in August. I stayed optimistic that races would happen again in 2020. Through the next few months, I stayed committed to my race schedule. I ran every one virtually, and hit every PR. I stayed energized and excited through connecting with teammates and team challenges through IRaceLikeAGirl. I was ready to crush my first 70.3. Finally, the email came. Maine 70.3 was canceled. I knew this was the likely outcome, but it hurt to see it happen. In that moment, it felt like all of the hard work would amount to nothing. I burned out two miles into my next long run. It didn’t feel like it was worth pushing. I told my coach I felt mentally out of it. He told me to take the weekend off, and to let myself be upset. I had felt guilty being upset about a canceled race, with so many people that had lost so much more over the prior months. Getting the permission from someone else to be upset was all I needed. I cried all the tears, let myself feel bad, and grieved my lost race. But I also took the opportunity to reflect. My body was capable of things it had never accomplished before. I ran, biked, and swam further than I ever had. I had more energy than I had in years. I felt strong, I had a healthy routine, and I was overall happy. None of this work needed to be validated by an in-person race. I saw plenty of women in IRaceLikeAGirl continue to crush their goals despite the circumstances, and it kept me motivated.
I stayed committed and followed through on my training plan. I continued to feel faster, stronger, and more physically capable. While the icing on the cake was completing my first 70.3 on my own, I realized that the journey was what was providing my sense of fulfillment. I had a community of badass, supportive teammates. I made connections with other athletes I wouldn’t have previously made. My body was performing in a way it previously couldn’t, and the appreciation I felt for that was unmatched. My “why” wasn’t to just finish a race. My “why” is because I knew what it felt like to be in a body that wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t going to take it for granted. Now that I’ve figured out my “why,” it’s been easy to come back to that whenever I’ve felt lost or discouraged. Understanding the impact this journey has had on my mental and physical health has given me the motivation I need to stay committed.
If you’re ever feeling lost or discouraged, just think about why you’re on this journey, and why you do what you do. I’m sure you’ll find the motivation you need within that answer.